What Woke Me Up at 4:00 am

I was just woken up by some kind of bee on my face so now I cannot go back to sleep. 

Correction: I may never sleep again.

Honestly, bugs are terrifying. Can we all admit that? At least with an animal you can maybe reason with it. If something has visbile eyes I feel like I could talk it out of hurting me (note: this logic does not apply to Furbies).  You can maybe even domesticate a once-threatening animal and start a lifelong relationship with what is now your new pet. But with bugs it is simply war. You vs. Them. Especially in the dark when they could be anywhere. Sure, I killed the one who woke me up, but what if it wasn't alone? If there are others I can only hope they witnessed the execution of their comrade (smothered by pillow against concrete wall) and take its death as an example.

Yes, I can tell I'm starting to sound a little psychopath-ish here, but it's 4:15 am. And I was woken up by a bee. ON MY FACE.

Not everyone hates bugs. Do you know this kind of person? The kind who insists you don't kill the stinging bastard but trap it in a cup and release it back into the wild? It's the same type of person who likes to say, "It's more scared of you than you are of it." That is just not true. Bugs come into my home all the time. They get up in my face when I'm eating lunch. This summer, one got inside my sock and stung me right on the ankle. So no, I do not think bugs are afraid of me. In fact, I think they are ridiculously cocky and see me as nothing more than some giant moving pin cushion.

Ok, I have to stop writing about bugs because it's freaking me out. Let's see, what else can I post on this blog that everyone reads.....

My sister got engaged!!! 

You guys know my sister Mallie right? She's basically a living goddess who does stuff like exercise every day, perfect homemade recipes, and not log on to our family netflix account (i.e. goddess). Her fiance, Gifford, is pretty great too. And, yes, I could go on and on about how he's bilingual, a uva grad, a naval officer, blah blah blah, but I'd rather talk about the fact that his name is Gifford. How amazing is that? Like Clifford the Big Red Dog, only it's Gifford. The bar for significant others in our family has just been raised. Touche, Mallie, touche.

Speaking of engagements, I have something to say to all the people my age getting engaged:

ahem.

WHAT??????????????????????????WHY????!!!!!??????WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now let me be clear: I am not saying that people who get engaged at 22 haven't found "the one" or that they won't have a successful marriage. I just truly don't get it. I was under the impression that dating was a pretty good deal for us young twenty-somethings. It's like being married....just not as hard. Plus, being the heterosexual that I am, I'm pretty much dreading the whole "living with a guy" ordeal. I grew up with two brothers and- even though I love them dearly- I never wanted to share a bathroom with them. Maybe chalk it up to my immaturity or my selfishness (or a number of other personal flaws I haven't recognized yet) but this whole getting a ring before a degree thing has thrown me for a loop.

I have another thing to say to all the people my age getting engaged: Seriously, I wish you the best of luck. And I wish that someday marriage will not terrify me as much as waking up to a bug on my face.

Anyone still reading this? No? Okay, cool. Just me and my thoughts.

Here's a fun fact: sometimes I like to read the titles of news articles and nothing else. Not because I'm lazy -well, not only because of that- but because it can be pretty amusing to try and guess what could possibly come next.  Here's are some real examples from my BBC app:

"Could a monster shark have kept whales in check?"

"Thousands queue for 'meat stone'"

"China says no to Dumbledore" 

If anyone writes a faux-news article for one of those three and sends it to me I will post it on this blog. Which means a few hundred or so Americans will read your work, and even more Ukrainians (I'm not kidding. This website lets me see what country people are viewing the blog from and I am more popular in the Ukraine than I am in the US. And you know what they say- if you can make it in Eastern Europe, you can make it anywhere).

I don't know if I should be disturbed by this so much as I think that EPOWAIEUGOSNVJE I KID YOU NOT THERE IS ANOTHER BUG I REPEAT ANOTHER BUG THIS IS NOT A DRILL WHAT IS HAPPENING

You can't tell, but there has been a passage of time between this piece of text and the one prior. Another bug has lost its life in its quest to break down my sense of safety/ability to trust. I have nothing else to say. Good night (good morning). 

Social Media Has Been Cancelled Due to Lack of Hustle

This is an announcement- I, Caroline Drew, am taking a social media sabbatical. For the summer of 2014 I am deleting my facebook, twitter, instagram, and even (oh how I will miss the 5 second shots of your pets) snapchat. 

For those of you that fainted from shock/disgust/utter confusion, thank you for rejoining us. Please read with caution, however, because the above statement was not a joke. 

For those of you who are thinking "ok cool...I don't have any of those accounts either. What's the big deal?" To you I say: HOW ARE YOU SEEING THIS BLOG?! HA! CAUGHT YA!

Obviously, there are people out there who participate in all or some of these social media sites without it being an issue. Keep in mind, I plan on reviving all of my accounts come fall. My reasoning for temporarily jumping ship is as follows- wait, no, there is more than one reason. But so help me, I will not make a list. I will not. Do you hear me Buzzfeed???? 

I am not someone who has a Facebook, but rarely logs on. I am someone, however, who will scroll through Instagram ever hour. I am not someone who is on Twitter "just for news" (I'm skeptical that anyone really is. And if you are, there has got to be a better way to get the news than Twitter. Maybe this summer I will actually start reading the news and I will get back to you all on this topic). I am someone who has frequently abused the "my story" feature on Snapchat. And I do think that 'abused' is the appropriate term. 

The point is, not everyone needs a break from social media, but it's about time I detoxed. 

This summer I am trying to focus on positive, intentional living (Note: I've found that gargling listerine really rids your mouth of that cheesy cliche taste). I want to take pictures for memories' sake, not for other people. I want to have witty thoughts longer than 140 characters- because let's be real, I'm pretty witty (pretty witty? Ohhhh man! I can't be stopped!). Mostly, I want to focus on interacting with the people in my life in a genuine way that, at times, I have previously allowed social media communications to take place of. Selfishly, I am pumped about having a few less areas of my life that I feel the need to "check." If I could delete my email, trust me, I would. 

(For any Buzzfeed staff members who have stumbled upon this blog- the above section is what is commonly referred to as a 'paragraph.') 

And now, in memoriam ("but Caroline, you said this is only temporary??" Shh!! I'm doing something here!) of my time on social media, I will look back at some of my happier cyberweb moments. 

2004: Caroline creates her first email, and thus, AIM account. She chooses the name "dancequeen827" because- well, the reasons are obvious. 

2007: Caroline, at the then rebellious age of 14, activates her Facebook account. Sure, the photos uploaded during these first 2 (3,4...) years would essentially serve as blackmail later on, but who cares. She sure thought she was cute at the time and her wall-post game was killer. 

2010: Caroline joins the Twitter community. As many of her friends could guess, she has trouble fitting anything into such a small space, but like a wild animal bent on survival- she adapts. Nay, she thrives. 

2012: Caroline is now on Instagram. She is stumped by the filter "Toaster" but uses all others perfectly. 

2013: Caroline creates a snapchat handle and it's like she's never lived until now. Never before has she seen such a wide assortment of cute little kids, homework assignments (with the caption "ugh" or "literally can't"), and her friends faces contorted in the most unflattering ways. They last a few seconds, but those few seconds are glorious. 

RIP Caroline on Vine: Spring of 2013-Summer of 2013. 

Farewell for now social media. I will miss your many tabs and profiles. I will especially miss the way you allow me to share the most useless thoughts/pictures without repercussion. Special shout out to Twitter for that. 

If you want to facebook stalk me, retweet me, tag me in an instagram, or snapchat me yourself at the beach (don't do this, it's mean until I'm out of school too) you only have a few days left!!! 

p.s. Though it is unlikely, the blog might still resurface this summer through the social media mules I call my friends. And because they are the only ones that read this: ....I am sorry I called you all mules.

p.p.s. I know that in the past I have published articles on Buzzfeed. My sentiments towards said website, however, have changed. My breakup letter to Buzzfeed will surface onto this blog someday I'm sure, so stay tuned (ooooooh man! always keep 'em coming back for more, you, sly dog, you). 

How to Be #blessed and Get Your #100daysofHappy

By Caroline Drew

If your social media interactions connect you with females between the ages of 15 and 50, you have seen two #'s (generally referred to as 'hashtags') quite frequently lately: 

#blessed and #100daysofHappy. 

What do these hashtags mean? Which members of society have access to them? What does being #blessed feel like? Do you actually share a hundred posts for #100daysofHappy? In response to these social media phenomena, this reporter decided to investigate. 

First, let us begin with #blessed. This hashtag is not to be used lightly. After diligently poring over facebook statuses, instagram captions, twitter tweets, and blog posts, it appears that only (and I do mean only) the following subjects deserve the badge of blessedness: 

- Holidays

- Family Time

- Home-made Food

- Your Feet at the Beach

- Your Legs at the Beach

- Good Grades

- The Sky

- A New Season of Your Favorite TV Show

- Travel
- Your Job

- Sleeping In/Napping

- Working Out

- New Purchases
- Road Trips
- Hair-Dos
- Bible Verses
- Karate Class 
- Graffiti
- Paychecks
- Costume Parties
- Fruit
- Celebrity Crushes
- Mason Jar Crafts
- Songs on the Radio
- Pets
- Yoga Poses
- Hammocks
- Being too #blessed to be #stressed
- 2048 Game
- Kissing
- Losing Weight
- Flowers
- Constitutional Rights
- Pictures You Drew

- Friends

- Sorority Sisters (or "Friends")

- Birthdays

- Cute Children (your own,ones you babysit/took a creepy photo of in a restaurant)

- Anniversaries

- Your Parents' Anniversaries
- Friday
- Snow
- Unhealthy Food
-Healthy Food
- WiFi Access
- General Personal Milestones

The last item on the list is especially important and, undoubtedly,encompasses many of the others. Research revealed that #blessed is essentially interchangeable with #bejealousbecauseimastarASTARYOUHEARME. From being accepted to college, to getting engaged, to running a 5k- these achievements mean that you are justified in posting with #blessed. The blessing is that you are better than your friends and now, they have to be reminded of it. Jesus said "Blessed are #blessed because they are feeling so #blessed" - Luke 4:1034. 

Now it is time to examine our second hashtag: #100daysofHappy. A newer trend than #blessed, #100daysofHappy does not solely function descriptively; instead, #100daysofHappy is a project. Pay attention because, like in an upper level bio-chemical engineering lab, following instructions is key: 

1. Decide you are going to have your own #100daysofHappy

2. Every day, for 100 days, share a picture with the caption including #100daysofHappy

It would be prudent to re-read those directions until you've truly internalized their meaning and committed them to memory. 

Unlike #blessed, which one employs after a cheerful occurence, #100daysofHappy literally creates happiness. By captioning your filtered pictures of a Starbucks order or trees in the spring time, it is impossible to be melancholy. Psychologists across the country are prescribing the #100daysofHappy cure every day* (*in addition to actual medicines which affect one's endorphin/hormone level). 

Other social media captions to watch include #selfiesunday, #ootd, and various combinations of emojis. 

I hope no one is offended by this! Everything said was meant in jest! Plus, if this makes you feel self-conscious about your interactions on social media, just remember that I have a blog....so...I lose. 

p.p.s. I actually went through #blessed pictures on Instagram to make up the list above.