The Walt Disney company is one of the United States's most successful and loved institutions, but what about Walt Disney high school?
Located in an ambiguous, though relatable, mid-west town, Walt Disney High School is now under inspection for its less conventional academic environment. U.S. Department of Education representative, Rhonda Fintz, explained some of the concerns.
"WDHS simply doesn't meet the requirements of a modern, American high school," commented Fintz. "For one, there is a 100% graduation rate, but only 2% of these students go on to achieve college degrees."
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| Students at graduation; ready for the realistic career as a pure, motivated pop star |
This surprising statistic checks out. Apparently, the entire student body does in fact walk at graduation, but most transition directly from high school to seeking entertainment careers. These include, but are not limited to: DJ with a vision, respectful-of-girls boy band, don't-need-boys girl band, and passionate hip hop dancer.
The 2% who do attend college or university are no more conventional than the other 98% of their classmates. They all attend Walt Disney University for Nerds which boasts of only one academic department: Useless (but fun!) Robot and Invention Design.
In addition to their lack luster college attendance rate, WDHS also employs a social caste system.
"People are so touchy about the phrase 'caste system' nowadays," chuckled WDHS choir director, Mr.Cool Jeans.
"It's just a simple way for us to organize the kids into the correct... circles. There are the populars, the drama kids, the jocks, the nerds, the teachers' pets, and the one group of 3-4 that you're obviously supposed to like the most."
"It's just a simple way for us to organize the kids into the correct... circles. There are the populars, the drama kids, the jocks, the nerds, the teachers' pets, and the one group of 3-4 that you're obviously supposed to like the most."
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| "We're quirky but accessible!" |
After visiting the school, however, it was clear to this reporter that the "caste" system was less of a social organization and more of a costume assignment. All students, no matter if they were in varsity jackets or sweater vests, broke out into choreographed song and dance numbers throughout the day.
"No, those dances are not choreographed," protested Mr.Cool Jeans.
They are.
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| A much too common in-class dance number |
Fintz defended further the Department of Education's investigation, "Unlike most schools in the US, the arts program at WDHS is ridiculously too high. $3,000,000 is spent on the spring musical each year alone."
Other issues to be evaluated are no less strange. For example, there are the extremely loud ticking clocks, the presence of film crews on campus, and the frequent playing of a laugh track over the loud speakers.
"And, of course, we don't want people to think this inspection is about the proactive diversity policies at WDHS," noted Fintz, "but it just seems a little...too aggressive."
In order to ensure diverse social groups, WDHS requires each student to provide evidence of at least one best friend of a different race.
"It's not that we don't like each other," said Maria Sanchez of her 'best friend' Jill Brown. "And it's not that she's white! It's just... we have nothing common. And she always smells like the pizza sauce you get in lunchables."
"And, of course, we don't want people to think this inspection is about the proactive diversity policies at WDHS," noted Fintz, "but it just seems a little...too aggressive."
In order to ensure diverse social groups, WDHS requires each student to provide evidence of at least one best friend of a different race.
"It's not that we don't like each other," said Maria Sanchez of her 'best friend' Jill Brown. "And it's not that she's white! It's just... we have nothing common. And she always smells like the pizza sauce you get in lunchables."
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| Mandated Interracial WDHS friendship |
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