Most Things Taste Better Than Skinny Feels

The calendar and I are in a fight. The calendar wants to say that it's almost November, but I'm pretty sure that it's only late September.

Spoiler: the calendar is going to win. 

As it tends to do, time has started moving at hyper speed. Time is like a hamster: strolling along on its wheel until you look away for one second; then, it uses its tiny legs to spin that thing like a race car tire. I cannot believe I have only around 6 weeks left in Prague. Franz Kafka once said, "Prague never lets you go. This dear little mother has sharp claws." There is actually no better way for me to put that. It's absolutely true. 

Instead of getting depressing, I'll fill you in on my ever-so-enchanting life in the dear little mother that is Prague. 

This past Monday, October 28th, we didn't have classes! We weren't celebrating Cristopher Colombus or laborers; however, this holiday is the Czechoslovak Independence day.  For anyone confused, there is no Czechoslovakia anymore, but the Czechs still celebrate like it's 1918!!!  And how did we celebrate? We went to Plzen, of course. 

If you have heard of Plzen, color me impressed. Pre-abroad, if I was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and the final question was "Where is Plzen?" or "What is Plzen?" or "Is Plzen a real thing?" I would have either lost or won $1,000,000 solely on luck. Plzen is a town about an hour and a half outside of Prague. It has a beautiful church, a historical underground, and (our favorite part) the Pilsner Urquell brewery. 

Now that I have toured the Heineken brewery in Amsterdam and the Pilsner brewery in Plzen I think it's safe to say that my beer knowledge has gone from about a -4 to a 5 or even 6. Touring the breweries have actually been one of the more enjoyable "touristy" activities we've done (informative and fun?? Is this a School of Rock Video or a brewery tour??).

We also celebrated the Independence Day by treating ourselves to large amounts of tasty Czech food. I realized a while ago that Czech food should probably be a rare occurrence in my diet, lest I wish to roll onto the airplane and deal with heart problems later in life.  American chef, Anthony Bourdain, once referred to Prague as "Porkopolis .The land vegetables forgot."  So one hand, Czech food is not good for you. But on the other hand, it's delicious. Besides, how I am going to disprove the "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" idea unless I frequently eat all the food which tastes so much better than skinny feels (or at least, how I assume skinny feels).  

Note: I really do think "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is one of less intelligent sayings I've ever heard. In fact, I think almost the opposite is true: "Most things taste better than skinny feels." Now that's a quote I could get behind.  So take that, healthy eaters! You can keep your vitamins, and lack of health issues, and muscles and...you know what, I'll just stop there. 

Obviously you are reading this very closely, possibly committing it to memory, and noticed that I mentioned Amsterdam earlier. That's right, two weeks ago I traveled to the Netherlands to see the sights. When I first told my mom I was going to Amsterdam she responded "Caroline. Did you know they sell legal pot brownies there??" She then went on to ensure that I would be careful to inspect any chocolate I was buying for possible drugs. 

Besides crumbling up chocolate bars in search of marijuana, we also visited the Heineken brewery, the Red Light district, and Anne Frank's house. We also saw some of the city by water when we took a canal tour. The Red Light district was easily one the more depressing streets I've walked on, but besides that Amsterdam was a beautiful place. The leaves had just changed and with all of the canals and old architecture there was never a loss of potential kodak moments. In my mind, Amsterdam felt like a wonderful combination between Paris and Venice (for anyone who thinks is totally off, you're probably right, but I just felt that way OKAY??). 

This week I look forward to Wake friends visiting and, of course, HALLOWEEN! Who cares if Czechs don't really celebrate it, I'll take any excuse to wear a costume and buy myself value size bags of candy. 

Walt Disney High School To Be Investigated

By Caroline Drew

The Walt Disney company is one of the United States's most successful and loved institutions, but what about Walt Disney high school? 

Located in an ambiguous, though relatable, mid-west town, Walt Disney High School is now under inspection for its less conventional academic environment.  U.S. Department of Education representative, Rhonda Fintz, explained some of the concerns.

"WDHS simply doesn't meet the requirements of a modern, American high school," commented Fintz. "For one, there is a 100% graduation rate, but only 2% of these students go on to achieve college degrees." 

Students at graduation; ready for the realistic career as a pure, motivated pop star

This surprising statistic checks out. Apparently, the entire student body does in fact walk at graduation, but most transition directly from high school to seeking entertainment careers. These include, but are not limited to: DJ with a vision, respectful-of-girls boy band, don't-need-boys girl band, and passionate hip hop dancer. 

The 2% who do attend college or university are no more conventional than the other 98% of their classmates. They all attend Walt Disney University for Nerds which boasts of only one academic department: Useless (but fun!) Robot and Invention Design. 

In addition to their lack luster college attendance rate, WDHS also employs a social caste system. 

"People are so touchy about the phrase 'caste system' nowadays," chuckled WDHS choir director, Mr.Cool Jeans. 

"It's just a simple way for us to organize the kids into the correct... circles. There are the populars, the drama kids, the jocks, the nerds, the teachers' pets, and the one group of 3-4 that you're obviously supposed to like the most." 

"We're quirky but accessible!"

He went on to insist that social mobility is possible within the caste system, "If you take off your glasses, who knows what could happen! 

After visiting the school, however, it was clear to this reporter that the "caste" system was less of a social organization and more of a costume assignment. All students, no matter if they were in varsity jackets or sweater vests, broke out into choreographed song and dance numbers throughout the day. 

"No, those dances are not choreographed," protested Mr.Cool Jeans. 

They are. 

A much too common in-class dance number

Fintz defended further the Department of Education's investigation, "Unlike most schools in the US, the arts program at WDHS is ridiculously too high. $3,000,000 is spent on the spring musical each year alone." 

Other issues to be evaluated are no less strange. For example, there are the extremely loud ticking clocks, the presence of film crews on campus, and the frequent playing of a laugh track over the loud speakers.  

"And, of course, we don't want people to think this inspection is about the proactive diversity policies at WDHS," noted Fintz, "but it just seems a little...too aggressive." 

In order to ensure diverse social groups, WDHS requires each student to provide evidence of at least one best friend of a different race. 

"It's not that we don't like each other," said Maria Sanchez of her 'best friend' Jill Brown. "And it's not that she's white! It's just... we have nothing common. And she always smells like the pizza sauce you get in lunchables." 

Mandated Interracial WDHS friendship

Famous WDHS alums outraged at the impending investigation include: The Jonas Brothers, Raven's red haired friend, animated Lizzy McGuire, and Cody (not Zack). 

Why the Government Shut Down As Told By Ginger

Sorry to disappoint, but this post is not actually about the details of the government shutdown as explained by our favorite cartoon redhead. And if you do not get the "As Told By Ginger" reference, you should probably go to YouTube right now and memorize the theme song.

In reality, I decided on that title mainly because I wish that Ginger would explain the shutdown to me. I think she would present the facts in an unbiased, straightforward manner and I appreciate that in a person. Also, if Ging had talked to me about this whole ordeal, I wouldn't have felt like an idiot finding out about it on twitter this morning. On a scale of 1-10, how sad is it that I see a new Miley Cyrus video within the hour of it premiering, but it takes me a whole day to hear about my government shutting down? We're thinking like a 7, right?

Ah, but I digress. Let's get to what you really want to hear about- ME AND MY ADVENTURES ABROAD! (cue crowds cheering, confetti flying, and super manly men allowing themselves to wipe a single, joyful tear from their eyes)

Ok, ok, here we go. It's time to talk about Oktoberfest. 

Oktoberfest was by far the most fun party I have ever been to in my life. This means that it tops my 4th grade surprise + limo party, so yeah, wrap your head around that one. Here's a rough itinerary of our first day at the fest:

6:30 a.m.- Wake up, get ready, feel incredibly tired and wonder if it's worth it.
7:30 a.m.- Arrive at tent and get in line. Say hello to long-lost Wake friends, but still feel really tired.
9:30 a.m.- Remain standing in line. Try to make puppy-dog eyes at the guards behind the door to see if they will pity you and let you in. This does not work, but this is most likely because your puppy-dog eyes look more like creepy-girl-who-frowns-weird eyes.
10:00 a.m.- YOU'RE IN THE TENT! RUN TO TABLES AND CLAIM THEM IN THE NAME OF WAKE FOREST!!
10:15 a.m.- Start drinking your first liter of beer. (Note: you are too excited to think about the fact that it is only 10:15 a.m.)
10:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.- Drink more beer, eat pretzels and doughnuts, talk to old friends, make new friends, and take 1000 pictures.
2:00 p.m.- Make your way back to the hotel for a much needed power nap.
8:30 p.m.- Wake up, go find some Chinese food and try to readjust your internal clock.
11:00 p.m.- Go to bed with visions of steins dancing in your head.

I realize the above schedule may not sound like the best party imaginable, but (yep, I'm going to say it) I guess you had to be there!

Disclaimer: "I guess you had to be there" is, in my opinion, one of the most annoying things you can say to a person. That, "Can't say I didn't warn you!" and "Oooo Sorrrry" during the game of Sorry, should all be reserved for the worst kind of people.

Other things going on in my life
Hmmm...other things happening besides Oktoberfest....ummmm

School: Contrary to what my facebook might look like, I do go to class here. Annnnd that's probably all I have to say about that! Academia!! Woo!
Travelling: Like I said in my last post, I am headed to Paris this weekend! For those of you who don't know, Paris and I are very close friends who haven't seen each other for 3 years. We are so excited to reunite and share a bowl of french onion soup, we almost can't stand it.
Phone: I have a new phone! I felt a little bit like Odysseus trying to get to it, but after a 45 minute cab ride, walking through 3 deserted parking lots, trekking through the FedEx international warehouse (warehouse, not store) I finally got to it! And yes, I do think comparing that journey to the Odyssey is an adequate parallel.
Internship: Last week, I officially started my journalism internship with the New Presence publication. After an hour long meeting, myself, the 2 other interns, and our director, Gerald (60 year old British man) went out for drinks. Apparently, this is key to the journalistic process and we are required to do this each week...but don't feel bad for me, I think I can handle it.

Something about the United States
That's right, I haven't forgotten about you, homeland! And I certainly haven't forgotten about my funny friends at Wake Forest, the Lilting Banshees. For those of you who don't know, this is Wake Forest University's sketch comedy troupe and they just put up videos from the last show! Only watch if you want to laugh. I mean it, if you don't like laughing, are allergic to laughing, or are afraid of laughing then this is not for you. Otherwise, enjoy! CLICK HERE AND START YOUR LOLLER COASTER


p.s. The rhyming bit at the end of the itinerary inspired me and I couldn't help myself. Here's a reward for anyone who's actually read this far:

Twas the Night After Oktoberfest 

Twas the night after Oktoberfest and all through the hotel
People were passed out, (Of sausage and pretzels, they smelled)
Earlier they had drank around 5 liters of beer
Some even on tables, while everyone cheered

But now they were nestled, all snug in their beds
While visions of steins danced 'round in their heads
With one day now past, and one day still to come
The Wake Forest students were anything but glum

The next morning, many alarms went off with a clatter
They all sprang from their beds, to address the fest-matter
To the tents they all went, and were there in a flash
Once inside they rejoiced and to the tables the dashed

It was a new day with new things in store!
Drinking, singing, dancing galore!
Though some deacons returned home, before we reached noon
Others of us made it all the way until 2!

Sadly, but truly the day had to end
And tomorrow the students would say goodbye to their friends.
Though always they'd keep, deep in their chest
The sweet (maybe hazy) memories of Oktoberfest