Insta-Advice for the New Year

By Caroline Drew

The holiday season comes to a close tonight, but don't turn off your cameras just yet! 

New Years Eve will round up the 2013 holidays and as one final gift to you this year, this reporter has reached out to the one and only Gina Michaels. Michaels is a renowned Instagram expert, known especially for her work with holiday Instagrams. 

"There's never a more important time to pick a filter," reads the tagline for Michaels's consulting firm MerryHappy Instagram. 

"MerryHappy Instagram succeeds because it's the only company of its kind. My clients are hungry, hungry for guidance, and I'm there to feed them. I'm always there," said Michaels in her New York office with a slightly uncomfortable level of intensity. 

Michaels went on to reveal that she's currently working on a new project: a self-help book. When asked if this publication would render her consulting firm essentially useless, the question was ignored. 

Michaels was kind enough to share an exclusive look into her new book, If You Don't Share, Who Cares (About You), here in this article. Enjoy these excerpts from her chapter on New Years Eve Instagrams. 

CHAPTER 9, All That Glitter is Instagram Gold

It's New Years Eve and people should know about it. Like I've said in earlier chapters- if you don't post about holidays on Instagram, how else would your followers know what day it is? Follow these tips to start the year off with a bang (and 100+ likes)!

1) I Spy a New Year: All NYE instagrams must include at least two of these items: champagne bottle, champagne glass,  20__ glasses, confetti popper, noise maker, and sparkly dress

2) Festive Filter: Avoid filters designated for other holidays (i.e. Earlybird and Christmas, Hudson and President's Day) and stick to NYE favorites: Toaster, Lo-Fi, and-- if you feel up to the challenge-- Inkwell. 

3) Cheers to Being Popular!: Want to make your followers jealous in a passive aggressive way? The ultimate "I'm at a party and, oops, you're not here" post is one featuring you and the other guests holding your glasses up in the air together. Make sure to include candid laughing and do not forget to tag those in the post. This way, any sad lonely followers can actually see who is more popular than them. 

4) Hashtag Hazy: Don't be afraid of the blur option tonight. If you want to convey your slight, but not too heavy, NYE buzz I strongly encourague use of the blur. It gives off a fun, carefree, drinking vibe that guarantees some double taps.

5) Auld Lang Video: If you're a fan of the Instagram videos, tonight is your night. Don't waste it on popping bottles or stumbling around in your glittery heels. No, wait until the countdown to midnight. This countdown will fit easily into the 15 second limit (hello, just 10 seconds!) and will truly ease your transition into the new year.

NYE INSTA-DON'T

- If you're at home alone, do not post an poor-me-post of you and your cat wearing festive hats from the year before. Pity likes aren't likes at all. 

If You Don't Share, Who Cares (About You) will be available this March in stores near you. 

(p.s. I really, really hope everyone knows this is a joke. happy 'gramming friends!)

Where in the World is Caroline Drew

Well. Well, well, well. How to begin this post, where to start, hmmmm...

It's Saturday, December 14th. According to my schedule, I am home, still asleep in my own bed. My mom picked me up in Atlanta last night and though I was sad to leave Prague, it's nice to be back in Alabama. 

PLOT TWIST

Sorry about that, but like the KLM airlines, I enjoy a good surprise. I am not at home, asleep, or in my own bed. But Caroline if you aren't home...then...where are you? I am still in Europe, actually. This continent wasn't quite ready to let me go. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, this journey (or lack thereof) began yesterday morning in Prague...

• 9:35 am: Leave my dorm behind and travel to the Vaclav Havel international airport. 
• 10:00 am-12:00 pm: Reminisce about the semester in Prague, cry, eat airport food, buy trashy magazines, cry some more
• 1:00 pm: Find out our flight to Amsterdam is 50 minutes late. OH NO. 
• 3:00 pm: Board flight to Amsterdam, pray that the flight to Atlanta will also be delayed
• 4:00 pm: Pilot announces who will miss their connecting flights. ATL flight is the last one read. Accept that the world is a cruel place. 
• 4:30 pm-7:30 pm: Alongside Kirsten, Kelen, and Alex, discuss options with the employees of KLM airlines. Book 4 separate flights, and 3 different hotel rooms. Offered a complimentary overnight pack including, but not limited to, a toothbrush, t-shirt, socks, and razor (score!). 
• 8:00 pm: Arrive at the elegant Ibis Hotel. Retrieve free food voucher at the Caribbean Restaurant (note: the Caribbean should maybe consider changing its name to the more accurate "Middle School Lunch Room" as the food was hard to define and all the cool kids sat at the corner table).  
• 9:00 pm: After being told the free drink voucher only works at the Caribbean, decide to buy ourselves a real drink at the fancy "we're not stranded passengers" bar. Receive dirty looks from other patrons. 
• 9:30 pm: Realize it is Friday the 13th. Understand irony to the fullest. 
• 10:00 pm: Retreat to our rooms to watch a movie. 
• 10:15 pm: Fall asleep. 

8:00 am: Wake up, put on the same clothes from the day before and head back to the airport BECAUSE TODAY WE WILL GET HOME. WE WILL. WE WILL. WE WILL. WE WILL. 

My favorite part of yesterday happened at the KLM transfer desk. 17 of us were attempting to reroute ourselves after missing our flight to Atlanta. A midst the tired voices of travelers trying to get home and those of weary employees who clearly have the worst job in the world, came this exchange: 

"Is that really all you have?"
"Yes I am sorry, sir. We can get you to Paris tonight, but it will be a middle seat." 

A middle seat??? He's not an animal!!! Have some common decency KLM!!!

And now, I sit here in the Amsterdam airport, and it's really not that bad. I have The Office to watch, Bridget Jones's Diary to read, and chocolate to eat/OD on. 

If I don't make it back to the States, send your questions to KLM airlines. Be aware that they will delay your question for about an hour, then cancel your question, ask if you would mind holding your question for the night and then try figuring out an answer for your question tomorrow night. 

The Drew Family Now Owns a Sword

The rumors are true. My family came and went from Central Europe without any arrests or serious injuries. High five! 

What? Those weren't the rumors you were thinking of? Let me clarify: I did not mean to make you think that that girl was pregnant, or that that couple broke up, or that we all secretly talk about how we don't like you when you're still in the room by referring to you as "Cindy" instead of your real name. Those are all just rumors (gahhhh Cindy is sooo paranoid...).

In Budapest we toured churches, synagogues, and national monuments. We went to a wine tasting and sampled local specialties. My favorite part, however, was swimming in the famous Szechenyi baths. Essentially large outdoor pools, the baths are kept full by nearby thermal springs. Locals and tourists come to socialize, play chess, and enjoy the warm water. 5 members of my family really liked the baths. 1 of us wasn't too happy...let's take a trip back to that night and listen to some of the conversation, shall we?

Caroline: This is fun! Look at those old guys playing chess.
Mama: I just loooove being so warm. It is bitter here y'all. But this is niiiice.
Caroline: I wonder if I should go ask to play
Mark: Tillman don't splash me. 
Tillman splashes Mark
Mama: Mmmm so hot. I'll tell you somethin', if I lived in Hungaria, I would come here every day. 
Mark: It's called Hungary, Mama.  
Mallie: Tillman! If you're going to splash him don't get it near me. 
Caroline: Me either. And hey, I don't really know how to play chess, one of y'all should go ask to play with those old people.
Dad: This is the most disgusting thing we've ever done. 

Perhaps you've read a previous post of mine "Emotions with Dad." If so, you already know that my father can be like a used butter knife: blunt (does that metaphor work? Yeah, it worked. It totally did). Something you may not know however, is that he's not the biggest fan of germs or large masses of people. 

Now remember that we were in a warm pool full of hairy European men wearing speedos.  

Other quotes from Papa Drew include: 
"I feel like I'm catching diseases standing in this."
"Caroline, tell your mom you want to leave."
"Why would people come to this thing?"
"Alright gang, time to go." (said after 5 minutes in the bath)

Don't worry, we stayed for an hour and a half. Thanks Dad!!

Even better than exploring Budapest was having my family in Prague.  Getting to share this city with them meant a lot to me, but because you'd rather hear about our weirdness than my sappy emotions (whatever, I don't want to know about your feelings either) I'll focus on that. 

Tillman bought a sword. A full length sword. He thought it would fit in his suitcase. Guess what? That thing wouldn't fit in a golf bag. Now I get to figure out how to ship the weapon home. Which means I get to walk through Prague with a sword. Fear me peasants!!

I took my family to NYU open mic night where we all got to feel bad about how non-musically inclined we all are. One of the acts wasn't musical, though. It was my friend Nathan doing stand up and he was great. He was also pretty...colorful at times. My mother's response: "I thought he was cute! But I didn't get all of it. I'm going to have to ask your dad what some of that stuff meant later."

The boys ditched their khakis, sperries and polos for dark jeans, converse-esque shoes, and hoodies. My dad, on the other hand, sported his ever fabulous snap-away pants. You know, the kind that can become shorts with just a tug on the lower leg? Sorry for being a fashionable family. 

I really should get back to studying and if I write my Goodbye Prague post right now I'll get tears in my hot chocolate. And you know what they say: "There's no use crying into good chocolate*."

They used to say "There's no use crying over spilled milk," but realized this was an erroneous statement unless you're some fancy rich person who buys milk in bulk. "Did you see Dave's fridge? Packed with milk. He must be doing well."