Twitter To Release New Website For Women

By Caroline Drew

There are clothing stores, TV channels, and schools designed just for women. Recently, Bic made a splash by marketing a line of pens for the gentler sex. Now internet moguls are jumping into the ring of gender exclusive products. For the first time ever, there's going to be a Twitter strictly for women.

"It all started when I happened to watch the movie Legally Blonde," stated Twitter co-founder, Jack Dorsey, "I thought I was watching a documentary called Legally Blind- we were planning to create a twitter for the blind...but this was so much better!"

"Elle Wood made me realize that females have their own needs, skills, and prowess. A co-ed social media website just doesn't cover it!"

Jack Dorsey, Twitter Co-Founder and Visionary for Women

The new only-for-women Twitter, to be called "Glitter," will launch this fall.

"On Glitter you won't Tweet, you'll sparkle!" gushed Dorsey. And that's not all that's changing. Dorsey revealed that Glitter will not use the pound sign for  the popular "hashtag" function. In its place, site members will use the lesser known, but certainly more girly, tilde.

The Glitter site's catchphrase 

But will Glitter be accepted by the female community? State congressman and self-appointed "Lady Expert" Ted James gave some insight on the new site.

"This is just the outlet our women need: a place to talk about their lady issues. Things like lady haircuts, lady jewelry, and lady undergarments. I suppose they could even post about their uh...well, um...you know...that time of the, uh, well-" James could not bring himself to finish his sentence, but this reporter believes he was attempting to say "their time of the month."

Lady Expert, Ted James

Research shows that young males are also excited about the launching of Glitter. Local high schoolers, Trey Reed and Ryan Farmer, can't wait for the new site. When told the news, Reed exclaimed:

"They're getting a girl Twitter? Finally!" Farmer merely smiled and wiped a tear from his eye. The two male youths explained that they are tired of having their Twitter feed clogged up with "the same old girl stuff."

After looking into the matter, it turns out this "same old girl stuff" is more specific than you might imagine. It seems that there are three types of Tweets females compose.

1) The Tag Everyone: This Tweet is used by women to let everyone know who they are with/going to see/miss/love a lot.

2) The I Don't Care: Girls write these Tweets to boast about some vice they are partaking in, and the fact that they just don't care. #fearless

3) The I'm Sad And You Should Know: This is when a girl writes, in a short 140 characters, about some ambiguous situation and/or person who's really bumming her out. Lyrics/quotes are extremely common.

Exciting features that Glitter users can look forward to:
- The sparkle font will be Curlz MT
- ~girlsnight will always be trending
- The Tweet's 140 character count will be upped to 500 for Sparkles
- No Boys Allowed

Glitter will use special technology software to ensure that no males are allowed to register. The site is expected to launch this September.

(disclaimer: This is all in fun! Unfortunately, there will be no Glitter coming out in September ~sad)